Tuesday Poem: “A Canterbury Tale”
shock waves thunder
across the plains,
spewing up water
and silt,
homes shift
and bend like trees
before a norwest gale:
the faultline
cracks open
a little wider
(c) Helen Lowe, 2011
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I am always wary of poetry generated too close to a traumatic event, knowing the risk that it will be more diary entry than art. But when a poem comes to you in the moment, in much the same was as a haiku, then all I think you can do is gassho to the muse and write it down—and leave decisions on merit to the reader.
I wrote this poem yesterday, after the 5.5 earthquake and before the 6.0.
Feedback is welcome.
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I liked the image of houses bending like trees in a gale – that’s exactly what it felt like. The house was flexing and twisting, the walls swaying inwards and then outwards – creaking and groaning – the strangest feeling.
Kathleen, in the 6.0 I thought the house might actually shake apart around me, which was ve-ry scary indeed. In the poem, my first take on the final lines was:
“cracks the fracture
that runs
through my heart
a little wider”
But then I thought mentioning my heart/me might be too emotive/diary entry and so changed it. Now though, I’m not so sure …
Very evocative.
And I’m happy to hear that you and yours are all ok. Though I guess ‘ok’ is a relative term.
Deb, we are ok physically and the liquefaction around our house isn’t as bad as last time, although it may be worse in other parts of the city, but it looks like we may have a broken sewer this time so that is “worse.” Emotionally I think it’s just very hard to keep getting hammered over and over and still keep going as if everything’s ok. Because it isn’t and you’re not, however much you may try and ‘fake it until you make it.’ Something of what I am trying to capture with the poem in an understated way, but I’m not sure if I’ve succeeded in that or not.
Great energy to this – it feels as you describe you wrote it – as if the words have tumbled from the event – I like the idea of the crack or faultline being in you… could you fudge it so it suggests both you/your heart and the earth at the same time … (funny how earth and heart have the same letters in them! I only noticed that just now…) but I agree the word ‘heart’ is so loaded and needs to be used with care … but people are having their hearts divided – are shaking inside etc – I know one girl who can’t rid herself of mouth ulcers (clearly stress) and another who shakes and shakes… could you just refer to the crack in you and not mention the heart? Leave it with you… And hey, take care. May it be still for you soon, very soon. Mary
Mary, I share your reservation around “heart” but I think it needs the direct connection to the personal as well, so will have to put my poetic thinking cap on again. And yes, there’s so much stress, even if it is only of ‘day-to-day living’ kind … but it’s amazing how much we all take for granted.
Maybe change the “the faultline” reference to “our faultine”
I am being very bold here offering a suggestion on a poem.
Back to building radios now!
Andrew, thank you for your feedback. I will definitely think about “our faultline” when I come to re-look at the poem. Meanwhile, keep those radios coming!
I like it, I think it really expresses what it is probably like in such a situation. Although I like the part you changed as well. Bringing it closer is not always a bad thing. And sorry Im really not the best poetry analyzer, I just like what I can understand and it works for me.
Donna, I feel you’ve given me good feedback here–that bringing it closer is better than leaving it remote and ‘disconnected.’ I’m glad it works for you even as is, though.:)
Love the poem. Great visuals with your use of words, and the poem flows with action. Don’t they say one does their best in times of stress ?????After talking to you yesterday, we have heard on Aussie news this morning of another aftershock in the early hours of this morning. (14 June).Hope you are ok. Imagination cannot describe what you would have felt (and not seen) in the dark.
Thinking of you all.
Thank you, Joanne—and thank you for your call last night. There have actually been 33 aftershocks since midnight last night but the biggie was the 4.7 at 2.48 am—and yes, I did wake up for it!
I can’t imagine. Your comments about mental health really made me stop and think. Your poem does you justice. Our prayers for you.
Thank you, Steve. I do think the emotional drain, given this has been going on for so long now, with ongoing uncertainty, is very real and needs to be acknowledged rather than swept under the carpet. Yes, we do need to ‘keep calm and carry on’, but we also need to say ‘hey, this is real and it costs at many different levels.’ And thank you, too, for your kind words about the poem.
All I can say is… haunting.
Thank you, Chelsea.
I think having a creative outlet around such events is so important – and perhaps allows you to take a step back? I can’t imagine what it must be like – it never seems to end. In my heart, I mourn for Christchurch and applaud all who persevere and remain living there, ensuring the city does still carry on despite so many setbacks
Charlotte, I certainly don’t discount the diary entry/journal style of wriitng as a coping mechanism, but I wonder if it gives one distance or more serves as an outlet–a bit like the overflow on the water tank (which has come into play a bit recently!) This poem, though, felt a little different, it was just ‘there’ in the moment and so I went with that. Didn’t feel like writing poems after the 6.3 though, he-he.
More seriously, I know what you mean about the situation here “never seeming to end.” And so very much has been lost as well. I will admit to entertaining doubts about long term viability of the city as we have known it.
It’s great – now don’t change a word 🙂 I’m sure I wasn’t the only one thinking of Christchurch over the last few days and wondering how everyone was.
Thanks for the vote of support, Alicia.:)
I’ll have another earthquake report up tomorrow, but “grumpy” and/or “resigned” would be the short versions.
Love the poem, Helen. I think I like the “heart” ending too. After all, it IS your experience. It doesn’t sound too diary entry to me at all. The poem gave me a little shiver.
It’s a REAL poem and the more beautiful because of it. I love it!
Thank you Giada, I’m very happy you like it.:)